Illusions
by nigerutmea anima
Summary: Bellatrix remembers her sister Andromeda during the Battle of Hogwarts; One-shot; Rated for language


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Illusions

Her eyes glinting in triumph, Bellatrix breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of death. The edges of her mouth curved into a haughty smile, and she giggled upon catching sight of her victory: her niece, lying broken on the cold marble floor, company for the rest of the dead, the rest of her victims. Her family tree would no longer be a source of embarrassment. But, somehow, something was missing. Something that danced on the edge of her memory, daring her to recognize its existence. And so she closed her eyes and remembered…

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She sat in her room, alone. Very alone. Everyone had left her behind, gone to some distant place. Ever since her mother's belly had gotten very big a lifetime ago, things had changed. Her parents whispered excitedly, now, their heads close together, her father's hand on her mother's stomach. She had been told that she was getting a baby brother to play with soon. But she didn't want a brother. She wanted a Mommy and Daddy to play with. The sun had already set, and the shadows tickled her face as she blinked back stinging tears.

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Bellatrix slunk down the hallway, her tiny frame hugging the wall as she edged around the corner and carefully pushed open the door to her baby sister's room. In a few quick steps, she was across the room and peering curiously down into the crib. Her parents would be furious if they found her here; she wasn't allowed in Andromeda's room, she had been told. Her parents had followed months of bubbly excitement with days of cold silence after Andromeda had come home. Her father looked sad, disappointed. He had hardly left his study for weeks, and when he did, he would stagger around the house or slur his words so that she could barely understand what he was saying. Or screaming, more like.

Her mother had given the baby to a house-elf as soon as her parents had walked through the door, and told it to take care of the infant. But eventually, they had started acting normally again. Her father told her that she would be getting that baby brother soon. As she looked down at her sister, Andromeda opened her wide eyes and reached an arm up, grabbing the air in front of Bellatrix's nose. She giggled. "Mmmm! Eiii! Muh nee!" It sounded like she was shrieking "Mine!" Bellatrix smiled. "No, _you_ are _mine_." She kissed two of her fingers and pressed them to her sister's forehead. Andromeda shrieked and wailed as she walked out the door; as soon as she had satisfied her curiousity, she wanted nothing more than to put as much distance as possible between herself and this alien creature. But quickly glancing back over her shoulder, she couldn't help but think that sisters were better, anyway.

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Her father's heavy whiskey glass _cracked_ on the glass table as he slammed it down. Swallowing thickly, he squeezed his eyes shut with a pained expression, seeing some horror that the rest of his family was oblivious to. He slowly opened his eyes and focused on her mother, who was holding the newest addition to the family. Bellatrix winced, and she knew, instinctively, that she should leave. Unwilling to leave Andromeda behind, she hefted her sister over her shoulder, a heavy burden for her six-year -old arms. Neither of her parents acknowledged them. Her father's gaze was locked on the new-born infant. She had been told that she would never get that younger brother, that something had gone wrong when Narcissa was born, and that she was very lucky to have the two sisters that she did. Half-dragging Andromeda with her, Bellatrix ungracefully left the living room. She had decided that she really didn't care one way or another about having a brother. It would have made her father happy, she knew, but, as she already had two sisters to take care of, any more was just pushing it.

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The clock struck ten with its deep, reverberating voice, and Bellatrix determined that she had waited long enough. She threw open the door to Andromeda's room and dragged her half-asleep sister down the stairs, through the kitchen, and out the miniature door usually only used by the house elves, amidst Andromeda's half-hearted complaints. Leading her over to the lake just beyond the garden, she splashed water onto her sister's face to wake her up, while planning out the beautiful day ahead of them. She wanted to explore the forest on the other side of the lake, and then maybe sneak into the kitchen for an afternoon snack. Andromeda, though, did not take kindly to being splashed with the ice-cold water; edging stealthily behind her sister, she lunged forward and shoved Bellatrix into the clear blue water. After an initial glower at her ungrateful sister, Bellatrix suddenly grinned and pulled Andromeda down with her into the lake. Shrieking from the cold, they splashed each other until they were both soaked. "Oh, well," Bellatrix thought. "Now is as good a time as ever to teach her how to swim."

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Bellatrix stood on platform nine and three quarters, more excited and nervous than she had ever been before in her life, though she hid it well behind a mask of cool detachment and haughty pride. Andromeda looked devastated. "…alone with no one at all but Cissy, and she is never any fun! Write to me every day, won't you? All the lessons you're learning, and who's a prat and who's not, and which teachers are good – " She grabbed Bellatrix's hand, desperate to hold onto her sister for just a few moments longer. Bellatrix, however, snatched her hand away. "I'm not a baby anymore, Andy," she replied coldly, hoping very much that her new classmates wouldn't think that she was homesick before they had even left the station. Andromeda looked as though she might cry, but Bellatrix pretended not to notice and weaved her way through the rapidly thinning crowd to supervise her luggage being stowed away, after which she boarded the imposing scarlet train, telling herself not to look back. But she couldn't help herself; she searched through the ocean of strange faces until she found the one that held meaning for her.

Cursing her own warm-heartedness, she quickly stood, raced down the aisle, and leapt out the door, which had been just a few moments from closing with a resounding _thud_. Parting the sea of people, some of whom smiled at the frantic little girl, she sprinted to her sister and gave her a quick hug, whispering, "Maybe once a week." Then, gasping slightly at the great whistle, she raced back to the already-moving train and deftly jumped through the last open doorway, a man wearing a faint smile closing it behind her. Finding her seat once more, she locked eyes with her sister, who now was crying, and watched her with a sudden sadness as the train pulled out of the station and, gaining speed, disappeared around the first corner.

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Perched high in an orange tree, Bellatrix passed a bag of candy to Andromeda, filled with sweets even she had never heard of before. "Try the Licorice Snaps first," Bellatrix said with a grin. But Andromeda laid the bag aside and hesitated. "Bellatrix, do you talk to people in other Houses?"

"God, no. Whatever would I want with some know-it-all Ravenclaw or dumbass Griffindor?"

"Ever?" Andromeda asked, sounding both incredulous and immensely disappointed.

"Well, sometimes," Bellatrix allowed. "We have classes together, and many of the Professors are under the delusion that inter-House unity is to be encouraged. Something I discovered after protesting when I was assigned to be partners with this Hufflepuff troll. But other than that…" Her voice trailed off as she remembered that particular incident. "He really was a troll, though; didn't know anything at all, and seemed somehow to think he had the right to be paired with a Black, the filthy Mudblood." Bellatrix spat these last words with surprising venom.

"Bellatrix!" her sister exclaimed.

"Well, it's true!"

"What if I'm in Hufflepuff? I'm going to be at Hogwarts in just a few weeks, and I couldn't bare it if you wouldn't talk to me, on top of mom and dad's disappointment…" Her voice caught, and she stopped, not trusting herself to speak any more.

Bellatrix was silent for a long time. Finally, Andromeda snapped, "Well, say _something_!"

"You're an idiot." Bellatrix slid out of the tree and landed gracefully on her feet, catlike.

"What?!"

"I said 'you're an idiot'. Of course I would still talk to you! But you're going to be in Slytherin. You and Sirius both, though it wouldn't surprise me if he went and got himself put in Griffindor or something."

"How do you know?"

"Well," she said with the air of someone explaining that two plus two equals four, "I said that I only voluntarily talk to Slytherins. I'm talking to you right now. Thus, you must be a Slytherin." Andromeda didn't look convinced. "Besides, that hat supposedly got its brains from the four Founders. If it has any sense at all, it will know not to mess with Bellatrix Black." Andromeda gave a weak smile and didn't press the issue, instead imitating her sister and sliding out of the tree, knocking loose a few leaves in her slightly less graceful landing.

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Bellatrix sat on the corner of her bed, trying very hard to focus on something as trivial as the dress she would wear that evening to the annual masquerade ball. She had told her mother weeks ago that she had the perfect outfit lined up, but in reality, she was putting off this moment for as long as possible. Dresses. Fancy hairdos. Demanding guests. And worst of all, the many "suitable" marriage candidates. Yuck. Falling back onto her bed, the waves of hopelessness washed over her. Why did she need this, anyway? She would refuse any of the respectable men her parents were considering. She would not be locked up in a tower for the rest of her life, a tower cleverly disguised as a huge estate, complete with whining kids scampering down the halls. So why did she have to put on a smile and pretend to consider each new face, dancing, politely laughing, perhaps a peck on the cheek if his family was particularly high-standing? She closed her eyes; surely it had to end, eventually? Everything had to end.

She felt a shadow hovering over her. Opening her eyes, she saw Andromeda in a stunning blue dress, her hair twisted up into a deceivingly simple updo, wearing a slight frown as she looked down at her older sister. Bellatrix smiled. Everything had to end except sisterhood. That was for forever. She pulled herself off the bed to help Andromeda with her make-up, not caring anymore about her own wardrobe crisis. She would find something.

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"Where have you been?" Andromeda's accusatory stare bored into Bellatrix's eyes, but she did not flinch. Instead, she drew herself up proudly and made to sweep past her sister as though such an impertinent question didn't deserve an answer.

"It was with _him_, wasn't it?" Andromeda's voice was a horrified whisper, her eyes widening at the realization.

"So what if I was? This is my life now, Andy. This – this is what was meant to do! I can _feel_ it." Bellatrix's voice, in contrast, was an impassioned speech.

"Bella. Bella, please. Something isn't right. This isn't right! Think about what he's asking you to do! No one can help being who they are!"

In response, Bellatrix's eyes flashed dangerously. "You don't know anything," she replied harshly. "He is asking me to do no more than my duty, to my family and to the entire Wizarding Community. And he will reward us, oh yes. He will reward our dedication after we have succeeded." Bellatrix gazed vacantly off into the distance, speaking not to her sister but to herself.

"Please Bella," Andromeda begged, her eyes brimming with tears, "please don't do this! Please. You know I love you, but I can't watch you do this!"

Bellatrix was not moved by her sister's tears. Beyond all reason, she spat, "Leave, then!" Turning angrily on her heel, she strode angrily from the room, leaving the tears to fall freely down Andromeda's cheeks.

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"So this is your decision?" Bellatrix sneered, her sister standing at the great black gate to their property, her suitcases floating lazily behind her, no doubt hoping to have been gone before the rest of her family returned. Narcissa whimpered from behind Bellatrix, and Andromeda gave her a pitying look. Then, she shifted her gaze to her oldest sister, hiding behind a mask of cool determination. Hiding from her own sister.

"Are you making me choose?"

Bellatrix snarled, her teeth glinting in the sunlight. "Choice? What _choice_ is there? Us or some Mudblood? That's not a _choice_, Andy, that's common sense!" She spat her words as though they were a poison that she had to rid from her body.

Narcissa looked as though she wanted to add something, but seemed to think better of it, the tears instead silently streaming down her face.

"Is that what you think? That I'm running away with _some Mudblood_, that I would abandon my _family_ for _some guy_? If you had been able to pull yourself away from your precious Cause for long enough to _talk_ to your _sister_, you would know that I'm in _love_ with this guy! I love him so much that I can't imagine _not_ doing this, not getting married and spending the rest of my life with him. You think I want this? This is my heart breaking, Bellatrix, being torn between the two things that I love most!" Andromeda was screaming now, yelling for the first time that Bellatrix could remember.

"Don't do it, then," Bellatrix thought, "don't leave your family. Don't leave _me_." But instead she found herself screaming, too. "Your heart? Think of someone beside yourself for once in your miserable life! This is worth destroying our family over? Fine! Get the hell out! But I don't want to see you crawl back here in two months, knocked up with some bastard child! You had better be damn well sure about this, Andromeda, because if you walk through that gate, there's no coming back!"

Andromeda was crying, now, too. "You are such a _bitch_, Bellatrix! Can't you understand?"

"Better a bitch than a Muggle whore," Bellatrix retorted, and it seemed that some inner part of Andromeda had finally broken. With an expression beyond devastation and tears still streaming from her puffy eyes, she slowly turned and walked away from the only home she had ever known and from her best friend, but she didn't look back once.

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The day after Andromeda left, Bellatrix sat alone in the window seat overlooking the garden, dazed. She did not move all day, gazing instead at the lake, cracking open a window to smell the orange trees. She did not acknowledge the house-elf, who brought her lunch, nor did she eat the food. Neither did Narcissa, who entered her room, teary-eyed, receive any response. She was a statue. That was the first day – because afterward, time was measured in relation to The Day, though no one spoke of what actually happened. The first day, the first week, the first month – Time dragged on, prolonging its allotted course, prolonging the anguish, the suffering, in its unfeeling grasp.

That first day seemed to stretch on forever, in Bellatrix's memory as she stood in the Great Hall, and, opening her eyes, she realized that it did. It already had. Shocked at her own thoughts, she desperately tried to cleanse her mind of such memories – no, illusions. They weren't real, now, and she wasn't entirely sure they ever had been.

And so it was that with slight hesitation, she stepped away from her sister's fallen child and towards her final duel, eyes glinting perhaps not quite so brightly as before, clouded with a veil of sadness she had not known still existed.


End file.
